The Alternate Side Weekend Report: Jun 25th-28th

So, it’s the summer and I’ve been watching a lot of television. I recently watched a documentary about inanimate objects. (Don’t judge me, I was really bored.) Did you know that there’s a political party who’s main candidate is an inflatable whale? And that someone even fell in love with and married the Eiffel Tower?! It happens. Don’t be surprised if you fall for the bands playing this weekend and their inanimate namesakes.

Thursday

I bet people fall in love with cheeseburgers all the time. I feel like a cheeseburger is pretty capable of loving you back with all its cheesy, beefy goodness. Court your next Big Mac by going to see the band Cheeseburger this Thursday, June 25, at Santos Party House. Forget fries, Cheeseburger is the perfect, raucously fun compliment to your meat patty. The show starts at 7pm and is FREE. 18+

Friday

Did you know that there’s a support group for people who yell at inanimate objects? I think my dad should join. He’s always yelling at my house and I really feel bad for it. His verbal abuse is really taking a toll on the shutters. People should watch what they say to real estate. People should also go see the band Real Estate! This psychedelic rock band will be playing at Monster Island Basement this Friday. The show starts at 8:30pm and tickets are $8. All Ages.

Saturday

I tried throwing the javelin in high school for the track and field team. That was an awful and humiliating experience. Discus was not much better. All field apparatuses are evil. I think going to see Javelins, the band, will be a much more enjoyable experience. This jangle-y, indie band will be playing at Bruar Falls this Saturday, June 27. The show starts at 8pm and is 21+.

Sunday

Somehow, I’m unconvinced that cymbals and guitars are inanimate objects that lack an inner spirit of some sort. See these instruments take on a life of their own at the hands of Cymbals Eat Guitars this Sunday, June 28, at the Cake Shop. Uh-oh. I think I’m developing a massive crush on Joseph Ferocious’ Fender Jazzmaster. Thank goodness he has two; I’ll be eloping one of them Monday morning. The show starts at 8pm and is 21+.